Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Gayle's Va-Jay-Jay

So I'm at this taping of The Oprah Winfrey Show yesterday because Mrs. Axinar saw this notice on her web site that Oprah was looking for William Shatner fans.

Well, the way that the scheduling worked out, we actually saw an interview with Valerie Bertinelli first about her new book Losing It: And Gaining My Life Back One Pound at a Time.

Apparently in part of this book Valerie Bertinelli goes into some sordid detail about how she once kissed another woman.

Now, between the Bertinelli and Shatner segments Oprah chatted with the audience for a bit and she pretty much said, "Now while we're on the subject, I've heard all KINDS of rumors going around and YOU ALL don't think Gayle and I are gay do you? Because, let me tell you, even if I WERE to turn gay, Gayle would be the LAST person I would hook up with."

However, she went on to explain that the CLOSEST she ever came to getting in a compromising position with Gayle was once when they were in one of the camps in Africa. Oprah explained that conditions there are quite primitive of course and all you get for personal hygiene is a very thin bar of wrapped soap.

Gayle came to Oprah in something of a panic because she didn't have a wash cloth. Gayle seemed to be quite disturbed that she was going to have to make skin-to-skin contact with her own nether regions in order to wash up.

Oprah, apparently more experienced with primitive conditions, attempted to explain to Gayle how to use the soap directly, but Gayle still seemed freaked out.

Eventually Oprah said, "Good heavens, Gayle, do you want me to wash it FOR YOU???"

The Shatner segment was quite short. He talked about how someone paid enough for one of his kidney stones to buy a family in New Orleans a house. He also mentioned that he actually considered auctioning off the hip he had replaced about a month ago but figured that would be in WAY bad taste.

On the way out we all got a copy of Star Trek The Original Series - The Complete First Season Remastered ... although I'm thinking Mrs. Axinar would have prefered the Valerie Bertinelli book.

The overall experience of being on The Oprah Winfrey Show was pretty interesting. There were people there from Cincinnati who drove all night to get up to Chicago and were planning on driving straight back.

Now THAT'S dedication.

If you ever get tickets - GET THERE EARLY. There is a pay lot across the street from Harpo Studios that costs $24, but it looks to be about the only safe are to park.

Actually, if you can plan it out, it might be best to try to go to the show in the middle of your trip so you can take a cab in or some such.

Also - no cell phones, cameras or any such stuff. They have you go through a metal detector also.

Although, since we had to be there so early in the morning we did get fed - a muffin, a fruit-yogurt type of thing and a small bottle of juice.

Oh, and make sure you use the facilities before you go on the set - they don't roll breaks in real-time so you might not have a chance to get back in time.

Overall it was a highly fascinating experience that I would recommend if you ever get the chance.

The Valerie Bertinelli segment is scheduled to air next Monday, February 25 and the Willliam Shatner segment is scheduled to air next Tuesday, February 26. Set your DVR's!

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