Saturday, August 18, 2007

The Neurotypical Dress Code

Julia stopped by with some comments about some possible underpinning of the neurotypical dress codes - "If you're a guy, no one wants to see your underwear ..." and "An attractive woman wearing something with spaghetti straps can be rather visually distracting, and this may be the reason behind a lot of dress codes, keeping people less visually distracting so that other people have an easier time doing their jobs."

Well, maybe.

But, in my experience, in certain cases there seems to be something beyond "distracting" about people wearing certain types of clothing in a professional setting. It seems to go to the level of OFFENSE.

Of course, we might want to explore each of the possible "items of offensive clothing" in a "professional" setting and, in so doing, possibly gain some insight into the neurotypical mind.

Fortunately we have an actual list of banned clothing items from arguably one of the most relaxed indoor / cubicle-type environments ever documented by the human species. In other words, if something made it on the list in this particular joint, it must REALLY make the neurotypicals upset.

No Short shorts (Shorts must be mid thigh or longer)

I don't know about you, but it's always been KNEES that have caused me to have impure thoughts about certain young ladies. I SUPPOSE getting a glimpse of a young lady's upper thigh in particular might be enough to bring all production to a halt, but ...

No tank tops, tube tops, or spaghetti straps

Hmmm ... this seems to be alluding to something that came up when they were putting together the costume guidelines for Star Trek that you can't show a woman's belly button. Yes, my friends, a simple glance at a woman's navel makes neurotypicals incapable of operating a telephone or computer. Yikes!

No short shirts (no stomachs or midriffs should be exposed)

There it is again - belly button - BAD!

No mini skirts

There's the upper thigh thing again. What IS it about this particular region of anatomy that makes it impossible for people to do actual work?

No pajama bottoms or bedroom slippers

Somewhat confusing of course as there is a blog advertising company called "Pajamas Media". Yes, in the comfort of your own basement, you can create a web site visited by thousands and thousands of people while dressed in your pajamas (or less), but bring other people into the picture and the whole works seizes up.

No suggestive or tight articles of clothing

Oh, now a CASTING of a belly button, breasts, or, presumably, a camel toe is UTTERLY outside of consideration. Again, this seems to fit into the category of particularly the young ladies announcing to the world, "I'm getting some!" and the more mature ladies simply can't handle this.

No holes or tears in clothing

Whoops ... someone may get a glimpse of navel or upper thigh through one of those holes ... can't have that!

No obscenities, offensive, or suggestive slogans or artwork

Oh now this is a can of worms. Now I personally may find a "F*CK BUSH" T-shirt to be completely appropriate, but may fly off the handle immediately if someone comes in wearing a "Jesus Saves" shirt. However, this interesting part of this guideline is "suggestive slogans or artwork". "Suggestive". Nope, my friends, you cannot announce, you cannot allude to, you cannot even THINK about the fact that you are a sexual being in the workplace (or a long-term care facility for that matter) without risking neurotypicals spontaneously bursting into flames all around you.

No undergarments should be visible (ex. bra straps)

Now, I was wondering what was going on with this one until I found out that apparently tehre is someo sort of fashion craze going on where the young ladies are wearing various items of underwear ON TOP of their shirts. I'm not sure how such a fashion arrangement came to be, but, yes, again, it apparently announces to the older neurotypicals, "I'm getting laid on a regular basis!" and this sends the neurotypicals into spasms.

No skull caps

Are kippot included in this?

No sunglasses

Ah ... one that, apparently, has nothing to do with sex.

However, it MIGHT have something to do with substance abuse. Generally speaking, when the subject of innappropriate workplace clothing comes up, the sample sited is usually not a "F*ck You AND The Horse You Rode In On" T-shirt, but rather the ubiquitous POT LEAF T-shirt.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the area right after sex that neurotypicals can't deal with is DRUGS. Now the little sh*ts will DRINK you under the table. They see NO problem at all with getting ripped senseless EVERY damn weekend so long as you can pass a 10-panel by the time you are trying to start a new job, but GOD forbid you should enjoy the slightest bit of weed from time to time.

Oh they go bonkers.

Is the neurotypical brain resistant to marijuana? Does it simply make them sick or something? Are the JEALOUS of the fact that some people can create great works of art, music, and computer software while they are going through a garbage bag or two of prime bud?

But, yes, boys and girls, if you too can project the image to the neurotypicals that you NEVER, EVER even THINK about sex or drugs, you will have a long and prosperous career among the neurotypicals ...

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5 Comments:

At August 18, 2007 at 1:16 PM, Blogger reform_normal said...

I don't think that the rules against skimpy clothes are just a matter of hiding the fact that the younger women have sex: it might also have to do with discouraging them from seducing the men in the office. Some of the more ruthless NTs will "sleep up" to get promotions or special treatment. And, of course, the wives of the seduced men will get jealous.

The belly button and upper thigh seem to be a matter of "If you can see the belly button or the upper thigh, you can *almost* see what's in between the belly button and the upper thigh." And with form fitting clothing, you can see the outline of key sexual display areas, particularly chests and butts. And again, I think it's to discourage people from seducing their co-workers.

Profanity and drugs...that seems to be a hangover (pun intended) from Puritan times or something. Also, since weed is still technically illegal, they don't want to get in trouble with the law by having people be to open about it.

 
At August 18, 2007 at 6:07 PM, Blogger Axinar said...

You know ... you may be onto something there ... "suggestive" clothing may very well trigger all sorts of instinctive defensive behavior about "this woman is trying to seal my man ..."

 
At August 18, 2007 at 10:12 PM, Blogger phyzish said...

actually, i think it's the mere presence of another woman that makes the man-toting woman think "this woman is trying to steal my man..."

i dont get it, axinar. people don't stop being attractive just because you've gotten into a committed relationship. shouldn't the committment in itslef be a compliment, let alone enough?

do i think like a man? does it matter? i dont know, i just dont know....

 
At August 18, 2007 at 10:24 PM, Blogger Axinar said...

Well, possibly ...

But what we were trying to figure out what this:

What "sets off" neurotypicals if someone, say, comes into work dressed "inappropriately"?

I started with one of the most liberal dress codes I've ever seen for a "cubicle" environment and tried to see what the "theme" of it is.

The "theme" seems to be exposing certain choice areas that, biologically speaking, may be some primitive form of projecting the message, "Hi there! I'm young, available, and very, very fertile."

I was speculating that possible the older females were jealous of this - that the younger women exposing certain key areas were "bragging" about how much they were getting but Reform Normal made a quite excellent point that it may be triggering a somewhat different primitive biological reaction that, "Oh my God, this young thing is here to steal my husband," even though, in practice, the husband may be in another STATE ...

 
At August 18, 2007 at 11:25 PM, Blogger phyzish said...

totally gotcha- followed my own tangent there, i did. i'll try to keep it on topic in the future...

 

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