The Neurotypical Dress Code

Julia stopped by with some comments about some possible underpinning of the neurotypical dress codes - "If you're a guy, no one wants to see your underwear ..." and "An attractive woman wearing something with spaghetti straps can be rather visually distracting, and this may be the reason behind a lot of dress codes, keeping people less visually distracting so that other people have an easier time doing their jobs."

Well, maybe.

But, in my experience, in certain cases there seems to be something beyond "distracting" about people wearing certain types of clothing in a professional setting. It seems to go to the level of OFFENSE.

Of course, we might want to explore each of the possible "items of offensive clothing" in a "professional" setting and, in so doing, possibly gain some insight into the neurotypical mind.

Fortunately we have an actual list of banned clothing items from arguably one of the most relaxed indoor / cubicle-type environments ever documented by the human species. In other words, if something made it on the list in this particular joint, it must REALLY make the neurotypicals upset.

No Short shorts (Shorts must be mid thigh or longer)

I don't know about you, but it's always been KNEES that have caused me to have impure thoughts about certain young ladies. I SUPPOSE getting a glimpse of a young lady's upper thigh in particular might be enough to bring all production to a halt, but ...

No tank tops, tube tops, or spaghetti straps

Hmmm ... this seems to be alluding to something that came up when they were putting together the costume guidelines for Star Trek that you can't show a woman's belly button. Yes, my friends, a simple glance at a woman's navel makes neurotypicals incapable of operating a telephone or computer. Yikes!

No short shirts (no stomachs or midriffs should be exposed)

There it is again - belly button - BAD!

No mini skirts

There's the upper thigh thing again. What IS it about this particular region of anatomy that makes it impossible for people to do actual work?

No pajama bottoms or bedroom slippers

Somewhat confusing of course as there is a blog advertising company called "Pajamas Media". Yes, in the comfort of your own basement, you can create a web site visited by thousands and thousands of people while dressed in your pajamas (or less), but bring other people into the picture and the whole works seizes up.

No suggestive or tight articles of clothing

Oh, now a CASTING of a belly button, breasts, or, presumably, a camel toe is UTTERLY outside of consideration. Again, this seems to fit into the category of particularly the young ladies announcing to the world, "I'm getting some!" and the more mature ladies simply can't handle this.

No holes or tears in clothing

Whoops ... someone may get a glimpse of navel or upper thigh through one of those holes ... can't have that!

No obscenities, offensive, or suggestive slogans or artwork

Oh now this is a can of worms. Now I personally may find a "F*CK BUSH" T-shirt to be completely appropriate, but may fly off the handle immediately if someone comes in wearing a "Jesus Saves" shirt. However, this interesting part of this guideline is "suggestive slogans or artwork". "Suggestive". Nope, my friends, you cannot announce, you cannot allude to, you cannot even THINK about the fact that you are a sexual being in the workplace (or a long-term care facility for that matter) without risking neurotypicals spontaneously bursting into flames all around you.

No undergarments should be visible (ex. bra straps)

Now, I was wondering what was going on with this one until I found out that apparently tehre is someo sort of fashion craze going on where the young ladies are wearing various items of underwear ON TOP of their shirts. I'm not sure how such a fashion arrangement came to be, but, yes, again, it apparently announces to the older neurotypicals, "I'm getting laid on a regular basis!" and this sends the neurotypicals into spasms.

No skull caps

Are kippot included in this?

No sunglasses

Ah ... one that, apparently, has nothing to do with sex.

However, it MIGHT have something to do with substance abuse. Generally speaking, when the subject of innappropriate workplace clothing comes up, the sample sited is usually not a "F*ck You AND The Horse You Rode In On" T-shirt, but rather the ubiquitous POT LEAF T-shirt.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the area right after sex that neurotypicals can't deal with is DRUGS. Now the little sh*ts will DRINK you under the table. They see NO problem at all with getting ripped senseless EVERY damn weekend so long as you can pass a 10-panel by the time you are trying to start a new job, but GOD forbid you should enjoy the slightest bit of weed from time to time.

Oh they go bonkers.

Is the neurotypical brain resistant to marijuana? Does it simply make them sick or something? Are the JEALOUS of the fact that some people can create great works of art, music, and computer software while they are going through a garbage bag or two of prime bud?

But, yes, boys and girls, if you too can project the image to the neurotypicals that you NEVER, EVER even THINK about sex or drugs, you will have a long and prosperous career among the neurotypicals ...

Defining "Normal" and "Neurotypical"

So I stumble across this blog of a young lady who claims to be "ordinary" and merely dating someone with Asperger's Syndrome.

Yeah.

Right.

She thinks and analyses things.

She has a blog.

She chooses to spend her time presumably with someone with characteristics somewhat similar to Mr. Spock.

That's not ordinary.

Not by a long shot.

Of course one of the major problems is with defining such terms as "ordinary", "normal", and "neurotypical".

Of course "normal" started to be a "loaded" word quite a number of years ago because it carries with it the baggage of "correct" and, yes, "kosher". "Normal" tends to mean that not only is the phenomenon in question something common, but something that people should want and strive to be.

One major problem of course is that quite often what is spoken of as "normal" or "typical" is neither, but rather the IMAGE neurotypicals would like to project.

For instance, back when my mother was in California she was doing a great deal of studying with the Adult Children Of Alcoholics support groups and ran into what is presumably a mantra in households where there are practicing alcoholics - "Don't talk, don't think, don't feel, and definitely don't rock the boat."

Apparently the thought is something like this - "Dad's drinking. We would suffer intractable embarassment if the nieghbors and distant relatives knew that Dad is drinking, so we are going to put on an absolutely outrageous act that Dad is absolutely wonderful so that the neighbors and distant relatives will think well of us."

The thing that strikes me, however, the more time that I do spend with these neurotypicals, is that such role playing and rusing goes WAY beyond trying to cover anything as actually serious as practicing alcoholism.

There would appear to be a STAGGERING array of things that actually are statistically very normal in neurotypicals, but that they would rather die than suffer the embarassment of admitting.

After quite a number of decades of intense observation, I would like to announce that quite average, normal, run-of-the-mill neurotypicals do the following from time to time:

1. Neurotypicals make love. I figured this out when they started bringing me their children that all look just like them. They'll never admit to it or talk about it though. In fact, when these children start to ask them how they got here, the neurotypical parents will start cooking up stories about storks or some vagueary like "God made you" or something of the sort. Of course, on the other hand, neuroatypical parents will often sit their 5-year-old children down and give them a college freshman level biology lecture when prompted with the same question, but that's another topic ...

2. Neurotypicals get upset. Most often about topics having to do with Point #1. Now Reform Normal seems to have it in mind that my classic story about the receptionist coming to work in spaghetti straps causes a disruption in the routine of the neurotypicals, thus causing a "miniature meltdown" of sorts in the neurotypicals.

Perhaps.

But I'm guessing it's more along the lines that the older neurotypical female, the "accounting person" in my story, is affronted an insulted that the younger receptionist, via her clothing, is admitting to Point #1. In fact, the younger receptionist is almost bragging, "*I* am having sex on a regular basis!"

Now, of course, anyone capable of any sort of level of abstract thought should be able to turn around and say, "So what? So are all the stray cats in the neighborhood." But not the neurotypicals of course. They have to share their shock, dismay and horror to the entire company.

3. Neurotypicals drink. ALOT. But for the life of me I cannot figure out what the hell neurotypicals are DOING with their drinking. I'm not so sure about the Autism Spectrum specifically, but certainly the "creative crowd" - artists, musicians, etc., have a millenia-long relationship with substance abuse. Quite a number of them I have known over the years have been utterly unable to function creatively when deprived of the substance of their choice, be it alcohol, marijuana, amphetamines, heroine, inhalants, caffeine, or doughnuts.

Neurotypicals, on the other hand, seem to be doing something DIFFERENT with alcohol. For one, they seem to challenge each other to see who can drink the most. Also, instead of many of the "creative crowd" getting drunk or high and running off to create art or compose or perform music, the neurotypicals get F*CKING BELIGERENT, hateful, spiteful, and start beating the living crap out of anything they can get their hands on - usually starting with those they love most like spouses and children.

4. Neurotypicals can't admit to Point #3 either, so they claim to turn regligious and to have been "saved" from their drinking, and somehow this makes them look good enough to each other that they'll vote each other into the White House on this point alone.

Of course neurotypicals will admit to none of this. In their own minds they are visions of radiant perfection. They walk on water and their sh*t doesn't stink. And anyone who does not aspire to such magnificence is considered tainted and somehow nasty.

You know what ... coming to think of it ... maybe being "abnormal" and "neuroatypical" isn't so bad after all ... :)