I Think We Need To Convert The Dean Of Cincinnati

The Dean of Cincinnati of course is a man of many quests - handicapped accessibility for Fountain Square Garage patrons; open, accountable government; and a number of other goals of IMPORT.

However, his latest endeavor is beginning to crack me up. Apparently he's lit about the fact that the media refers to Obama as "Black" or "African-American". He's even writing letters to noted linguist Noam Chomsky on the subject for the love of God.

You see, according to the Dean, because Obama had a mother that most people would have considered "White", Obama would only properly be referred to as "multi-racial".

Now, despite my lecturing him a number of times about the extensive work of Henry Louis "Skip" Gates of Harvard University (European-linked Y-chromosome and mitochondrial DNA PLUS 50% European-linked nuclear DNA but clearly part of the "African-American" community), the Dean still insists that, for starters, his own children shouldn't be considered "Black" and I am somehow being a bad parent by calling my children "Black" despite the fact I don't even have any - well - yet anyway.

I got to thinking about this a little bit and I think maybe the Jews discovered a solution to this problem thousands of years ago.

Historically it has been called "conversion". Yes - traditionally, and currently in the Orthodox community, if you decide you want to be Jewish you accost a rabbi three times, study with that rabbi for at least a year, and then undergo rituals involving dunking naked in spring water before three witnesses and - voila! - with no genetic tests or other chaos you're every bit as Jewish as Moses.

I think it is high time there is a conversion ritual for turning Black.

And of course I think the first person who needs to undergo this ritual is The Dean of Cincinnati.

I believe he should present himself to General Nikki X, Denmark Vesey, and Barack Obama, and, if they deem him worthy, declare him Black retroactively to conception. Therefore his children would have two Black parents and the issue would hopefully be put to rest so he can go back to ranting and raving about something else of IMPORT every now and again ...